Hot Shoes - Michael Kors

Got these babies to wear to the closing party for Soul Diaspora.  Damn - - they're too freakin small (I ordered them online like a bad girl)!! Let me just say - - my pocketbook is glad....but I'm not.

They gotta go back.

Note to self....loss in arrival

  
So tonight I will be on the red carpet for the first time....a premiere for an indie film I did....what's insane is - - -I'm so sad.

Isn't it funny - - that by finally achieving something I've dreamed of doing...it illuminates that it DIDN'T happen the way I wanted, like when i was 25 or 30 or even 35. Having it happen NOW illuminates that it didn't happen THEN.  Funny how there is loss in "arrival". I feel the loss of the dream and the reality of what the journey has REALLY been so far.....beyond my big fantasies which've always kept me alive. There's grief....which I'm walking through today, quietly.....and hopefully by the time I get there tonight, there will be big joy.....I will have worked my way thru "what might have been" to "what is" and god willing - - I will be grateful....that a girl like me - - who could have easily gone completely off the rails (and did in her own way) is on a fucking red carpet anywhere!

"...you can't always get what you want....but if you try sometimes you just might find....you get what you need....."

pretty things to look at...